Now for a bit of christmas music, alt.os.linux.slackware style...

BE A TROLL

(Sung to The Tune of "Be Our Guest" from
Disney's "Beauty and the Beast,")

Be a troll! Be a troll!
Let disruption be your goal -
Anything that you can do to draw attention to your role
Egoboo can be nice
Get your fix at any price
You can make entire newsgroups into clucking little birdcoops

Be a troll! Be a troll!
Pound their patience into coal
Tell the regulars they have no sense of flair
Insult their mothers too and their manners, pfoo!
Be a troll, be a troll, be a troll!

Make them burn, make them freeze
Sing of people scratching fleas
Snigger at the woes of others who are forced upon their knees
Stress and fear, jealous rage
Let them be your guiding gauge
Then accuse the quiet suckers all as nosy mother****ers

Don't be small, don't be tame
Show you have no sense of shame
Just enrage them til on stage the heads will roll
You love to shrill out flame, it's all a giant game
Be a troll, dig a hole, you're a troll.

Flaming dues, barbeques
Ought to wake 'em where they snooze
Don't forget to douse the fires with proof 307 booze
(song tangent) : 307 Ale my friends, 307 Ale!
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale!...
(ahem) Feed them slugs, feed them snails
Put their legs between their tails
And so what if you are hated cuz their nerves are really grated

When you leave, do salute
give that middle finger toot
And be proud of your achievements in your soul
For you have shown that they are evil in their way
You're a troll-l-l-l, says our poll-l-l-l, you're a troll-l-l-l!

- Words by Leslie Fish and Gary McGath.


--
Guy Macon, Electronics Engineer & Project Manager for hire.
Remember Doc Brown from the _Back to the Future_ movies? Do you
have an "impossible" engineering project that only someone like
Doc Brown can solve? My resume is at http://www.guymacon.com/

On Thu, 25 Dec 2003 17:32:04 +0000, Guy Macon <> wrote:
> BE A TROLL
>
> (Sung to The Tune of "Be Our Guest" from
> Disney's "Beauty and the Beast,")

I preferred this one (original: <1998070222390776639@zetnet.co.uk>):

I am the very model of a Newsgroup personality.
I intersperse obscenity with tedious banality.
Addresses I have plenty of, both genuine and ghosted too,
On all the countless newsgroups that my drivel is cross-posted to.
Your bandwidth I will fritter with my whining and my snivelling,
And you're the one who pays the bill, downloading all my drivelling.
My enemies are numerous, and no-one would be blaming you
For cracking my head open after I've been rudely flaming you.

I hate to lose an argument (by now I should be used to it).
I wouldn't know a valid point if I was introduced to it.
My learning is extensive but consists of mindless trivia,
Designed to fan my ego, which is larger than Bolivia.
The comments that I vomit forth, disguised as jest and drollery,
Are really just an exercise in unremitting trollery.
I say I'm frank and forthright, but that's merely lies and vanity,
The gibberings of one who's at the limits of his sanity.

If only I could get a life, as many people tell me to;
If only Mom could find a circus freak-show she could sell me to;
If I go off to Zanzibar to paint the local scenery;
If I lose all my fingers in a mishap with machinery;
If I survive to twenty, which is somewhat problematical;
If what I post was more mature, or slightly more grammatical;
If I could learn to spell a bit, and maybe even punctuate;
Would I still be the loathsome and objectionable punk you hate?

But while I have this tiresome urge to prance around and show my face,
It simply isn't safe for normal people here in cyberspace.
To stick me in Old Sparky and turn on the electricity
Would be a fitting punishment for my egocentricity.

I always have the last word; so, with uttermost finality,
That's all from me, the model of a Newsgroup personality.


--
Simon <simon@no-dns-yet.org.uk> **** GPG: F4A23C69
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty."
- Douglas Adams